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Sidle on up and kick the dust off your boots, darlin’!You’ve just found Eorzea’s finest country-flavored catboy hangout!
Here at the Crackerbarrel, we serve up warm smiles, sweet talk, and a heapin’ helping of good ol’ fashioned flirtin’. Whether you’re lookin’ for a friendly chat, a slow dance under the stars, or a little trouble with a wink, our handsome hands are ready to show you a real fine time.
(its a cowboy themed gay miqote strip club, go figure)🍑 18+ Venue | Lighthearted RP | Country Charm 🍑Beaming Light Watering Hole:
ID: MSS-ZKWVBX3BDHDG
Pass: CattleBoysContinued on page 8

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Location

Dynamis| Kraken | LB | W 17 | P 31

Open Times:

Thursdays

• Discord

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Meet our Staff!

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Asu'ka Kreutz
He/Him | Gay | OwnerAn ex-scientist with absolutely no social skills taking orders and slinging drinks...who the hell thought it was a good idea to hire him. Pray that your food makes it to you in one piece and maybe you'll both end up going home spill free. Just don't ask why he's here. Asu's just as sad to be here as the rest of y'all.

K'hodari Nunh
He/Him | Gay | ManagerAn ex-Seeker of the Sun and Nunh, Dari left after discovering himself to explore the realm and to make up for the years lost. Affable and paternal, this mature gentleman is equally able to party down and provide the best night of your life as he is to lend you his ear and shoulder both if you need advice or someone to listen. When he's not baring his tits out as a cowboy stripper, he's busy being a master blacksmith with his own forge (who equally bares his tits out).

Kett Sapria
He/Him | Pan | ServerA miqo'te hailing from The Fringes, seasoned with a bit of trauma, is happy to be around hot food and hot people. He is happy to have a good conversation and flirting while taking advantage of the moment to show some skin. He hopes that you would have as good of a time as he is!

Solas
He/Him | Pan | ServerTalks kinda funny, only knows a handful of words, and half of those are “yum.” He’ll carry your cart, fix your roof, and wrestle a bear for you if you hand him a dumpling after. Sweet as molasses and twice as thick.Spends most of his days nappin’ in sunbeams, sniffin’ flowers, or tryin’ to figure out how doors work.

Shyn Orca
He/Him | Pan | Server

Siv Aurel
He/Him | Gay | ManagerWhether he’s strumming a melody that’ll make your heart swoon or throwing out deadpan one-liners between verses, this ex-merc turned lounge performer is here to entertain, enchant, and maybe judge your menu choices in silence.So sit back, enjoy the music, and don’t ask about his past unless you’re ready for an existential crisis with your biscuits and gravy.

J'ce Srbino
He/They | Gay | ServerWhen his record label caught wind of the world outside the dome, Alexandrian pop star J'ce was given a cowboy hat, a banjo, and the encouragement that a countrified person would "diversify his audience" and "help record sales!" So far, all it's amounted to is doing "research" in assless chaps, but don't worry about him - he traded most of his brain cells and good judgment for his adoring fans.

M'rajah Tia
He/Him | Pan | ServerAn ex-conscript with a taste for confrontation; much to all his employers dismay. M'raj is rude on the best of days, in jail on his worst- quick to start a fight, but even quicker to finish it. Though he found himself adrift after the Ala Mhigan liberation; he has managed to find work here and there with those who can tolerate his more prickly exterior. But despite his inability to keep a job for more than a few weeks, he still manages to make enough to fund his tinkering hobby ever growing firearm collection.

Mar'tin Wysteria
He/They | Pan | Server/Court
Orphan from the sands of Uldah, formerly held the leadership position of a scrappy street gang. He wasn’t with them long however, by the time he was a teen, he’d been picked up by the Redbills when he tried to steal from them but quickly had to fix something on their airship so they could escape the Watch.He wasn’t tossed and instead became a shipwright. He is often seen with the crew’s signature, red and black checkered kerchief.He now courts as he’s taken a break from the skies. For now.

Cain Sparda
He/Him | Gay | Server
Claims to be a devil from another world. Puppyboy in a catboy body. Giant brat to the boss, but a sweetie to customers.

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 001  Grown Folks Only.
This here’s an 18+ venue, darlin’. You must be of age to play in our pasture; no exceptions, no foolin’.

 004 Be Respectful, Darlin’.
Treat all our cowpokes, catboys, and visitors kindly. No rudeness, no rowdy fussin’—this here’s a friendly watering hole, not a brawl pit.

 007  Consent’s the Law ‘Round Here
Always get a clear "yes" before you get handsy, flirty, or frisky. A catboy’s “no” means no, plain and simple.

 011  Management’s Word is Final.
If the barkeeps or ranch hands (staff) give ya a holler about somethin’, best listen up, now. We’re here to make sure everyone’s havin’ a good ol' time.

 002  Mind Yer Spurs.
No spamming, no shoutin’, and no bein’ a nuisance in say chat. Keep it smooth and easy like a summer breeze.

 005  Lore Light, Heart Heavy.
We’re a casual RP joint, sugar. You wanna be a lost cowboy from the stars or a farm-raised prince? Go for it. Just be creative and have fun.

 008  Keep It Country Clean.
Flirtin’ and carryin’ on is just fine (in fact, it’s encouraged), but don’t go gettin’ too vulgar out in the open. If things get real spicy, take it to a private stall, partner.

 012  Tip Your Boys.
Our catboys work hard to make y’all smile. Throw ‘em a /cheer, a drink, or a lil’ coin if you’re feelin’ generous. They sure do love a sweet-talker.

 003  No Rufflin’ Feathers.
IC conflict is fine if it’s fun for both sides, but OOC drama? Naw, we don’t want none of that. Leave yer baggage at the door.

 006  Dress the Part.
Boots, hats, and a little country flair are heartily encouraged! Ain’t no strict dress code, but show a little Catboy Crackerbarrel spirit if ya can.

 010  Don’t Be a Stranger.
New folks are welcome with open arms. Be neighborly and help folks feel at home!

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Menu

(All items require real gil.)
Drinks: 5k
Food:5k

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Cactuar Piss

It’s just lemonade, but I want you to say it out loud when you order it.

Coke/ Diet Coke

We have to offer this in case you don’t like the other options.

Southern Sweet Tea

This is the option I assume you’ll choose if you don’t want to say Piss-nade out loud but don’t worry I’ll know why you chose it.

Giddy-Up Grind

A perfect blend of freshly brewed beans and that familiar coffee sludge that probably wasn’t cleaned out properly last time. With a pleasant mix of some random creamer we found on sale and far too many shots of cinnamon cream, this coffee does a great job of masking the fact that it’s been sitting out for too long.

Sunshine & Sawdust

Like catchin’ the sunrise on the porch after a hard day’s work, this mimosa mixes sweet orange juice with a touch of good ol’ sawdust grit. Zesty orange meets the subtle essence of “someone just built a deck nearby.” It’s bright, refreshing, and just rough enough to keep ya honest.
good enough

Gravy Stout

Thick, savory, and slightly confusing, this stout blends rich roasted malts with the soul of a Thanksgiving dinner. Notes of gravy, stuffing, and poor decisions linger long after the last sip. Surprisingly smooth and alarmingly filling.

Country Fried Steak

This original Southern staple is a deep-fried steak patty smothered in a rich beef gravy served alongside a heapin’ mountain of mashed taters and your choice of fresh vegetable. Though I know you won’t eat the vegetables.

Farmer Breakfast

Against his better judgement Sun’a wakes up everyday tending to the Cracker Barrel’s rich crops and livestock. This dish is prepared using his beloved animals. No wonder he hates us.

F-ranch Toast

Now if pancakes aren’t yer thing we’ve cooked up a little special cinnamon surprise. Dusted in cocai- I mean. Powdered sugar and everything nice these bits of toast will get you energized.

Down 'n' Dari Burger

One thick, juicy patty that knows how to please, slathered in our secret sauce. It’s hot, it’s messy, and it’ll have you coming back for seconds

Fluffy Cowboy Pancakes

Just like our asses these pancakes are a fluffy delight buttered to perfection and drizzled in sticky sweet Maple syrup. This dish will surely cure your catboy cravins.

Asu's Chicken and DUMPY-lings

Just like Asu's gluten assets these dumplings are sure to leave you feelin' like you're on Cloud Nine. Either that or he put a wizard spell on you. Probably the latter.

Siv’s Corny Cornbread

Baked with his signature backstreet corn country boys make do and so will you with these delightfully delicious squares of cornbread.

Biscuits

It's cornbread in a different format.

Coke
Cake

So we took that Coke you ordered that you never received and turned it into this cake. I hope you like it. Don’t leave a bad review on Yelp please.

Sweet Home Alabama

Imagine a pie full of nuts. Now look down. That’s it, that’s a pie full of nuts. It could be a different kind of nuts but you have to pay extra for those.

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Gift Shop offerings

(All items require real gil.)
25k

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Cowboy hat

Cowboy Boots

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Services

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Cowboy Roulette

Roll the dice for 100k to remove one article of clothing from a member of staff. Once enough articles of clothing have been removed patrons can pay a final price (1mil) for a strip tease show. (Above 500 wins roll)

NSFW Cowboy Courtship

If you're lookin to re-create the hit movie Brokeback Mountain with one of our handsome catboys, please ask for information for their availability. (800k per hour)

Cactuar Piss Roulette

For each order of piss-nade the customer may roll the dice to see if they match the number of our door prize. That opening's door prize will be announce on the Discord! (1-999)

Scarlet Devil

MMO

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